Open Your Books To Page 101 For Mistress Marley's Tips On How To Become A Financial Dominatrix

    Findom 101 for beginners 📝.

    Alexa Lisitza
    by Alexa Lisitza

    BuzzFeed Staff

    This is Mistress Marley. If you understand, say "yes."

    Instagram: @thechocolatedomme_ / Via Instagram: @thechocolatedomme_

    Good job.

    Mistress Marley, otherwise known as @thechocolatedomme_, is a 27-year-old financial dominatrix based in New York.

    Instagram: @thechocolatedomme_ / Via Instagram: @thechocolatedomme_

    Financial domination, or "findom" as it’s more commonly referred to, is a sexual fetish based in dominance and submission. In practice, the submissive partner offers gifts and money to their dominant partner. Though it is often assumed that this kind of relationship is associated with BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism), this is not always true. In some cases, the submissive and dominant partner may never have a physically sexual relationship.

    Mistress Marley was originally propelled into the spotlight — and quickly became one of the internet's favorite Dommes — after a 2019 video of her walking a sub through North Carolina Central University's homecoming went mega viral with over 3.5 million views.

    Mistress Marley 💅🏾 TOP 9 % OF @eyesxonfire

    That’s not my sugar daddy, it’s my sub lol he pays for me to control him 😇 https://t.co/g5DutQUmG9

    Reply Retweet Favorite
    Twitter: @eyesxonfire / Via Twitter: @eyesxonfire

    Since then, she's expanded her business to include hosting sex parties in major cities across the US, offering how-to courses on becoming a Domme through her Sexcademy, and mentoring young Black and Latinx women who also want to embrace the power of their sexuality through sex work.

    When speaking to BuzzFeed about the moment she decided to quit her career in fashion and pursue sex work, Mistress Marley said, “I was working paycheck to paycheck and feeling lost in NYC. I had worked in swingers clubs and met an older Domme. Her experiences stood out to me. I already had experience in sex work as an exotic dancer, so owning my sexuality, yet being in charge intrigued me. ... Being a Domme was more lucrative, more interesting, and more on my path of freedom. I truly felt like myself. I didn’t feel like a robot working a 9–5.”

    Instagram: @thechocolatedomme_ / Via Instagram: @thechocolatedomme_

    Now, with three years of findom and hands-on mentorship under her belt, Mistress Marley is sharing her top 10 Domme tips with BuzzFeed for those who are interested in the profession. Be a good reader and say "thank you."

    Instagram: @lovv/@thechocolatedomme_ / Via Instagram: @thechocolatedomme_

    Good. You're ready to learn how to become a dominatrix from a pro:

    1. “Know who you are and what you like in the kink spectrum.”

    Instagram: @lovv/@thechocolatedomme_ / Via Instagram: @thechocolatedomme_

    To start, kinks are sex practices or fantasies that fall outside of what society may deem as conventional — these are different from fetishes, which center around a desire often linked to an object, body part, or clothing, like flogs, feet, or uniforms. Learning your own interests can be accomplished by trying different kinks with a partner, as well as discovering theirs. For beginners, Mistress Marley recommends taking this popular BDSM test, which will reveal your level of dominance versus submissiveness.

    2. “Do your research/studying. Learn as many kinks and fetishes as possible.”

    Giphy: @LIEBESLEBEN / Via giphy.com

    Like any career path, a balance of study and practice are both required to be among the best.

    "Be genuine in learning not only what you like, but what others may want," Mistress Marley said. "Clients can tell the fakes from the authentic Dommes. Don’t hop on it 'cause you see it as a trend."

    3. "Figure out your Domme persona: are you bratty, nurturing, sadistic, etc?”

    Instagram: @lovv/@thechocolatedomme_ / Via Instagram: @thechocolatedomme_

    This can also be learned through the BDSM test, or by examining your sexual personality. Do you like the idea of your partner following every command and you leading the show? Does the idea of publicly or privately humiliating your partner excite you? Or are you more soft-spoken in your dominance and enjoy cuddles? All of these answers can play a role in your persona.

    4. “Visit dungeons to get a feel of the environment you’ll eventually be doing sessions in.”

    Giphy: @impastortv / Via giphy.com

    Dungeons, or playspaces, are locations where professional Dommes and subs can engage in BDSM with clients, either in public common areas or private rooms. There are often multiple Dungeon Monitors in place who supervise all events to ensure that everyone is following the house rules, which adds an extra layer of safety. Touring dungeons can be thought of as touring your future office. You'll want to see how others conduct themselves and learn the house rules, as well as familiarize yourself with sanitation efforts and common players.

    5. “Start off with a basic Domme kit.”

    Instagram: @lovv/@thechocolatedomme_ / Via Instagram: @thechocolatedomme_

    Comparable to a makeup kit for artists, Dommes come prepared with their own essentials. For beginners, Mistress Marley suggests starting with these tools: a flogger, paddle, ball gag, blindfold, rope, handcuffs, a collar and leash, and sanitizing equipment.

    6. “Learn safety, both for yourself and potential submissives. CONSENT IS IMPORTANT!”

    Instagram: @lovv/@thechocolatedomme_ / Via Instagram: @thechocolatedomme_

    Similar to many lines of professional work, Mistress Marley completes background checks and filters through references for all potential clients. She also hires security and suggests bringing a friend along for added protection. And, in consideration of the sub, she always ensures they are comfortable with everything she'll be doing.

    7. “ALWAYS get a deposit when booking a session.”

    Giphy: @fiercegifs / Via giphy.com

    Self-explanatory. Get your money, boo.

    8. “Never assume you know everything and have no room to grow.”

    Instagram: @lovv/@thechocolatedomme_ / Via Instagram: @thechocolatedomme_

    “The educators I’ve met so far have truly taken the experience even higher for me,” Mistress Marley said. While finding mentors can be essential, she doesn’t take learning experiences with clients for granted, either. “I love meeting new clients, whether lifestyle subs or just for the moment. Learning new things, kinks and how the mind works when it comes to administering these kinks.”

    9. “Network with other Dommes, sex workers, etc.”

    Instagram: @thechocolatedomme_ / Via Instagram: @thechocolatedomme_

    Having originally been both inspired and taught by older Dommes herself, Mistress Marley understands the power in networking. To help other Black and Latinx women who aspire toward becoming a pro, the Mistress launched Black Domme Sorority, a mentoring collective for those often underrepresented in findom.

    10. “Content is key!”

    Instagram: @thechocolatedomme_ / Via Instagram: @thechocolatedomme_

    Turn your Instagram and other accounts into a major mood board that shows off your skills, Domme preferences, and confidence because, according to Mistress Marley, social media can be a major asset when it comes to bringing in new clients.

    "It allows potential subs to know more about you as a Domme and entices subs to reach out," she said.

    If you’d like to learn more, Mistress Marley offers exclusive tips in her Sexcademy. There are membership opportunities in the Sugaring Academy, Dominatrix Academy, and SW Academy. Within them, Mistress Marley will walk you through everything you need to know to succeed, including virtual demonstrations, marketing techniques, dos and don’ts, and more.

    For more of BuzzFeed's Black History Month content, click here.

    Brooke Greenberg / Via Brooke Greenberg